Warning: this post is a poor pity me post and serves no real purpose other than to get my feelings out.
I have been having a hard time here lately. I feel very disconnected to anybody here, for obvious reasons...
Moving here was really hard for me, even though it has been a super great blessing. We moved here at a difficult time: I was about 8 weeks pregnant with NO idea it was twins, super SUPER sick, and not really excited to start out in a new place yet.
Almost a month after being here, we found out we were expecting twins. Then that is really when things started to get harder. My sickness stopped, but when I started hurting, it was hard to be motivated to do anything at all. We only had one car until July and so Ellie and I were stuck at home every day. It was hard!!
Then as the pregnancy continued, more pain followed, more exhaustion crept up on me, and I was so tired all the time, so I didn't want to go anywhere with Ellie!
I would go here and there, but taking her to the park was a nogo for a few reasons: 1) it was seriously so hot and humid 2) she ran away from me all the time so I couldn't risk taking her somewhere I couldn't have control 3) I was hurting and all I wanted to do way lay down so I wasn't in as much pain.
Basically, as I grew bigger and bigger I got less and less mobile and simple things were getting so hard! Then at 31 weeks, a huge wrench was thrown in the mix and I was hospitalized and put on bed rest.
That was the hardest month of my life. I couldn't do anything, go anywhere and I just wanted to be done! Going into labor at a point when they would no longer stop it was the best blessing I could have received because I was just done being pregnant with twins!!
I promise all this is relevant and I am trying to make a point...
So then we had the twins during cold and flu season and we have mostly kept them home, which means I'm back to being stuck at home all the time. Sick season is almost over, so we will start to get out more, but I have kept my boys home in order to protect them, not to mention the logistical reasons...getting out with one newborn was a challenge. Getting out with two is downright crazy!
So with all that background info, I'm going to finally get to the point of this post.
I came here at a hard time. An emotional time, and I left behind best friends that shouldn't and never will be replaced. Because of the circumstances of life, I didn't have the opportunity to make really great friends right away. I feel like I have a lot of pretty good friends, but not many I could just call upon to hang out. I haven't let myself really open up to anyone enough to build a good friendship, aside from a couple of people here and here that I feel I can really count on.
So, being here is hard! I miss my friends, my family and it is hard to be somewhere when you feel like you still haven't connected with anyone. And being in a ward full of older people doesn't help. I honestly feel like the person I know the best and can count on the most is someone much older than me, who is in a completely different stage of life, with children nearly as old as I am, and I am pretty certain I am not considered one of her closest friends, or even someone she would call to invite to hang out with...
Hopefully as the twins get older, I can get out a lot more and get to know more people at a deeper level, and start to feel like maybe I fit in here a bit better. But for now, I feel alone and bummed out a lot of the time. I hope I can make a great group of friends soon, and fill that void so I feel like I can fit in more.
Like I said, I feel like I have a lot of acquaintance friends; people I don't know on a deeper level, people that I couldn't just call up and say, "Hey, let's hang out." And this is so hard for me. I'm not trying to offend anyone here by saying that they haven't opened up to me, or anything, just that circumstances have not allowed me to get to know people enough to make really good connections and friends.
I really hope this can change and that I can open myself up to making friends and finding a group of friends that I can do things with, because not having friends in a new place is hard... And it is wearing me down.
Here's to hoping 2013 brings me lots of opportunities to make friends and have fun! I need it, and so does the welfare of my family :) because being unhappy because I feel alone is not good for my mood, and when I'm unhappy, everyone else is, too.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Ellie: 2 years old
Two years ago (and a little bit...) I did the hardest thing I had done yet, and welcomed Ellie RaNay Grigsby into this world on her due date!
It was a perfect day, and EVERYTHING went exactly how I wanted it to go. Life was perfect, and we had our beautiful little girl!
Two years later, every day is a new adventure full of tantrums, whining, the occasional laughing fit, DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, and a hug and a kiss whenever possible.
Notable things about Ellie at age 2:
It was a perfect day, and EVERYTHING went exactly how I wanted it to go. Life was perfect, and we had our beautiful little girl!
Two years later, every day is a new adventure full of tantrums, whining, the occasional laughing fit, DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, and a hug and a kiss whenever possible.
Notable things about Ellie at age 2:
- Everything is "Ellie's" and she points to herself when looking at something and calls it her own
- She has quite the vocabulary and is starting to put more words together
- She LOOOOOVES her baby dolls
- My Russian Nesting dolls are her favorite toy ever
- She loves to be girly and have her nails painted, hair done, and wear dresses and bracelets!
- She LOVES her cousin Isaac and talks about him ALL the time
- She loves to play with Grandpa Grigsby and asks for him
- She loves to FaceTime with Grandma & Grandpa Timothy
- Dancing is her favorite way to get around
- She is clearly addicted to television and Netflix. Working on changing that...
- She is VERY active and has tons of energy. She loves to go outside and just RUN RUN RUN!
- She likes to sing songs and will sing along with any song playing, and she'll get the hymn book and sing songs from it
- If either one of us is on the phone, she will grab her play phone and talk on it while we're talking
- She is getting better at saying prayers and repeating things, though sometimes she just sits there and says "amen" until you get to the end
- She is wearing size 24 month clothes, size 6 shoes, some 2t size clothes, size 4 diapers and only has a mild interest in potty training.
- She still takes a 1-2 hour nap, and I am SOOOO thankful for this!
- She sleeps in a twin size big girl bed and LOVES it. We think she's fallen out a few times, but she always gets right back in and goes to sleep, ha ha!
- Her favorite foods are: scrambled eggs, apples, blueberries, Greek yogurt, green beans, goldfish crackers, milk and smoothies. She is getting better at eating meals and will eat a lot more meat than she used to.
- She is SUPER obsessed with putting her shoes on.
- She loves her little brothers, and is always trying to help, even when her help isn't wanted...
- She loves taking baths, and anything else to do with water
- Her favorite toy is her Minnie Mouse car
- She is a pretty good listener, and talks ALL the time
- She's good at carrying a tune!
- She loves to help me whenever she can, and I love to let her learn how to do simple chores around the house
- She's very much so a mommy's girl, but she gets SO excited when daddy comes home from work, she runs and gives him a hug.
- She's always asking, "Hold it" when she wants me to hold her, or if she wants to hold one of the babies.
- She likes to lay down next to the babies, and thinks it's the neatest thing ever
- She says, "Down you" when she wants you to lay down next to her
- She's extremely possessive of her things. The babies CANNOT play with her old baby toys, or use her blankets AT ALL.
- She can almost get herself dressed, and she can put certain pairs of shoes on her feet and 85% of the time gets the right feet.
- She loves to go "buy-bye" with me and usually behaves extremely well when we're out and about
- She can count to 10, with just a tiny bit of help
- She knows a LOT of her letters
- She knows lots of colors and I think her favorite is either pink or green. Not sure yet...
- She has a GREAT imagination and uses it all the time when she's playing by herself
- She is getting MUCH better at playing by herself
- She loves to go to church, and specifically, Nursery
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Cameron & Kyle: 2 months old
One more month has come and gone, and little Cameron and Kyle are growing up so fast!
My handsome little guys!!
Cameron and his Tiger Kyle and his Elephant
My handsome little Cameron!
I didn't rotate this one, sorry Kyle! But look at those BLUE eyes. Aren't they dreamy? :)
This picture sums up how picture taking went today...
Things about Cameron at 2 months old:
- At his 2 month check-up, he weighed 10 lbs 3 oz, 6th percentile and was 21 inches long! He's only on the charts for his weight and head size, which is 38.5 cm, 27th percentile.
- He wears size 1 diapers, and size 0-3 month clothes.
- He loves to hold blankets, burp cloths, my shirt, hair, really anything soft in his hand when he's falling asleep.
- He loves his binky.
- He loves his soft minky blanket, especially when he's tired. He likes it touching his face.
- Sitting in the car seat isn't so bad anymore!
- He nurses every 2-3 1/2 hours during the day, and will usually have one 5 hour stretch at night, if I'm lucky, he'll have two 5 hour stretches.
- He is very alert and aware of his surroundings. He loves to just look around and take in the world.
- He is a little cuddle bug and LOVES to fall asleep on our chests.
- He loves having a bath.
- He's starting to smile a bit more here and there, but he hasn't quite gotten it yet.
- He loves to fall asleep in bed with me.
- He has to have Zantac twice a day still, for reflux, but it usually helps him with the pain. Only sometimes with the puke...
- He takes 3 naps, but we're still trying to figure his nap schedule out!
- He loves to sleep in the swing and bouncy seat.
Things about Kyle at 2 months old:
- He weighed 11 lbs 7 oz , 26th percentile and was 22.5 inches long, 23rd percentile. His head is 39 cm and that's in the 41st percentile.
- He wears size 1 diapers, and size 0-3 month clothes.
- He loves to snuggle more than Cameron does, and will fall asleep easily when being held or laying down with you.
- He's not so much a fan of the binky, but will take the Avent silicone one and sometimes a Nuk brand when he's super sleepy.
- He loves to sit in the bouncy seat and swing, and often falls asleep in either one.
- He is a super stuffy little guy, and often has to have his nose suctioned out after we pump it full of saline. Hopefully as he grows this trend doesn't continue!
- He is a super smiley guy, and smiles at just about anything!
- He makes the most adorable frowny face, and I may or may not make him make it a lot because of how cute it is. lol!
- He takes 3 naps and sleeps for 1 4-5 hour stretch at night, and 1 3 hour stretch.
- He nurses every 2-3 hours.
- He loves bath time.
They can recognize us from pretty far away, and love to follow us across the room. They like their sister for the most part, except for when she makes them cry by putting her face on their faces, rubbing their heads or just getting too close to them.
They are getting SO much easier to deal with and we rarely are feeling like pulling our hair out these days, so that's an improvement!
They're the best thing that has happened to us, and I love to have them in my life. Even through the hard times, I wouldn't trade them for the world. Some of my best moments are when I'm snuggling them while nursing them and realizing how incredibly blessed I am to have them here with me.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
New Year: New Me!
2013.
Wow. It's already 2013? STRANGE, but good!
This year, I want to make a conscious effort to be a better person. I want to change bad habits into good routines, be a better example for my kids, find time to do the things I love, and finally be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, etc.
Here are my overall New Year's Resolutions:
Happy New Year, Everybody!
Wow. It's already 2013? STRANGE, but good!
This year, I want to make a conscious effort to be a better person. I want to change bad habits into good routines, be a better example for my kids, find time to do the things I love, and finally be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, etc.
Here are my overall New Year's Resolutions:
- I want to change my bad eating habits into healthy ones: eating my daily recommendation of fruits and veggies is going to be a priority this year!
- I want to exercise 30-60 minutes 6x a week. Whether it be running, walking, dancing with Ellie, playing at the park or anything else. I just need to MOVE my body!
- In addition to random exercise, this year I really want to run a 5k. That means I need to train for it, and I'm excited to do it!
- I'm going to lose the baby weight. Pregnancy with twins did a number to my body, and while I realize it will never be like it used to be, I can sure try my darndest to get it back in shape!
- I want to spend more time with my kids. Yes, I'm with them every day, but I want to do the little things that matter with them. Play with them, read and sing with them. Be there for them and not just wish for the days to end, but to enjoy them with my kids.
- I want to work harder to study the gospel and to make it a priority to STUDY, not just READ the scriptures.
- I'm going to love my body and myself for what and who they are no matter what!
- I'm going to learn and try to perfect this piece on the piano. I think it's a beautiful piece, and I have lost a lot of my piano talent, as I haven't had the time or a piano to play on. I don't want to lose my talent completely, so I need to work on something to keep it going!
- I'm going to try to keep my home cleaner. With 3 kids 2 and under this will be an interesting challenge.
- I want to spend less on silly things, and save for things that matter.
Happy New Year, Everybody!
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