Newspaper article

So this is really blurry, but it is an article about the Ryan Shupe video. Pretty awesome. It was featured in my hometown's newspaper, the Uintah Basin Standard.

Life is okay right now. Boys suck and ruin lives, but what else is new? I just took 3 midterms yesterday, which was way intense, but now I can relax! It's finally fall break, so I'll get to have some fun at Lagoon on Friday!!

Secrets and Thursdays!

This day has been amazing. Granted, it did start off with not much sleep, but I love today. EVERYTHING about today! Beautiful weather, classes were awesome, I love the people around me, and I love what I'm here doing. I love my major. Officially. It's just stinkin' awesome.

So, I have a secret. It's something that may surprise only a few people, or maybe many.

I long to become something far greater than being a successful news broadcaster. I thought about it today, and it's all good to do that, but there's something I want more, even though I had told some people that I'm never going to get married, the truth is, I look forward to it so much. I just don't want to ever come out and say it, because I'm afraid to admit it, and I don't want to seem like a boy crazy "little girl" that I fear people would perceive me as if they knew it's something I really wanted.

So, I tribute this next little bit to my mother, my sister, and my sisters in-law. Motherhood is awesome and I give so much credit to my Mother. She is amazing!She has raised all of us so well. I love her with all my heart, and I know that she could honestly take anything on! My sister is amazing as well. She has some hard times, but she handles it. I love her so much! She's the mother of wonderful children that have a special place in my heart! And, frankly, all of my sisters in-law are awesome, because they're the mother's to my nieces and nephews, the children whom I adore with all my heart, and I would do ANYTHING in this world for.

That's the end. I hope someday I can have the chance to become as awesome as all of them. What a great role and opportunity they all have!

Better in time...

So, today is like super blog day.

So, a shout-out goes to my friend Landon for making me realize the eternal perspective, and take into consideration what really matters right now. Although things are pretty crappy and I don't love everything going on, I know I'm going to be okay, and I shouldn't let things get me down.

This is my pledge to be happy. No matter what. Nothing is going to bring me down, and I'm not going to let the little things that come up in my life ruin my day!

The end.

What next?

Here it is, October 8th. This year is flying past me faster than ever!

So, I just had a novel written about being an RA and I decided to delete it. Yep. All 500 words! jk. it wasn't that long. I figured it's not going to help the situations if this gets back to my residents! So, I will just write out my troubles one by one, that don't have to do with being an RA!

First off, I'm struggling. I don't know how I'm going to go to school this spring. I have no money. I have no loans yet, but seeing as the economy isn't doing so great, my loan-retrieving is looking pretty grim. I don't know what I'm going to do. At all. I cannot ask my parents for any more money. I can't. They've done so much for me. They have too many troubles of their own, and asking them would just be one more burden on them. I am worrying every day about this. I wish I could just magically win a million dollars. If only it was that easy. As if that's not enough, I have to keep going to school, because I'm an RA, and I have to keep being an RA!

Trouble number 2...I'm struggling even more with this one. My family is the most important thing to me ever. I have the hardest time connecting to them sometimes. I love them so much, but I don't know why I can't just enjoy being home with them. I went home and got super depressed. The reason? My brother whom I deeply love and care for is in extreme pain and it hurts me. He's going through a divorce, and I can't help but cry every time I think about how badly he hurts inside. He has four beautiful boys. Treven, Tracen, Bodie, and Casey. He's only five years older than I am, and he's already had four children, and now his wife just decided that she doesn't want the marriage anymore. This created a huge burden on my parents. Jared now lives with my parents, and when he has the kids, which is every weekend, it's hard for my family. I know my mom is worried sick about Jared. She's worried sick about tons of things, and I worry about her. I love her so much, and it's killing me inside to see her hurt about Jared. It's killing me to see Jared hurt. However, I know it will somehow all work out in the end. My Savior, Jesus Christ, will help us all through it, but right now, it hurts. Not a day goes by that I don't hurt for Jared and his beautiful children. Those children matter so much to me.

Wow, I really have needed to just get all these frustrations out, can you tell? I haven't really had a lot of people I can just say all this to. Who do you trust? You can't trust just anybody with this information.

Moving on. My #3 struggle is the fact that I want to go back. I want to go back to when I was about 14, when I first started doing things I now regret. I regret so much not taking advantage of so many things, like building a good relationship with my mom and dad. I can't talk to them about so many things. I don't know why. I just never have been close with them, and I want so badly to have that connection. I turned into this super independent person who doesn't want to let anyone in. Someone who doesn't want other people to fix her problems, but really is crying out underneath the surface. A perfect example of this was how I just plainly took off last night. I just walked around dark Logan city for a while. I was feeling so alone. I wanted someone to understand, I wanted someone to hold me and tell me it would be okay, but I never ask for that help. I never want to burden others. If I ever ask for someone to help me, I feel like a needy person who nobody likes to be around.

Often times, especially since being at school this year, I've found myself feeling very much alone. Very much like nobody understands what I'm going through, and yes, I know my Savior knows, but sometimes, I just want someone here in person to talk to.

This brings me to my next struggle...#4.
I don't know if I'm cut out for everything I'm doing. I'm Miss Uintah Basin. That's GREAT, but am I really who should have won? I'm an RA, but am I really the person for the job? I'm going into broadcast journalism, but do I really have what it takes? I feel so inadequate sometimes. I feel like it's so easy for other people in my classes, and I'm just the person in the class pretending that I know what I'm doing. Granted I do know what I'm doing. I know how to do everything, it's just that I underestimate myself. A ton! I am my own worst critic. I am hard on myself. It's never going to change. I don't take compliments well, I don't think I am capable of so many things, because I have been told so many time that I can't. That I'm not good enough. So here I sit...lonely, unsure, sad, slightly depressed, worried, hurt, crying, and afraid. Is there anyone out there? Anyone listening?

Maneater? I think not!

So, there has been an ongoing debate of whether or not I'm a maneater. I'm not. I promise. Let me outline it all for you. We'll start at the beginning of the drama.

I was dating a guy who's on a mission now, and I decided I'd start dating people finally, since I had not even talked to many guys since he had left in January. Then, I met Cylor, you can read about him in "summer fun" posted further down the page. Within short time of dating Cylor, I decided waiting for Grant wasn't right and I didn't want to feel tied down like I had loyalties to him, plus I could tell I was a HUGE distraction for him, so I dear johned him, and it wasn't pretty, but he's a better missionary now for it, at least that's what I hear from his sister... Not a maneater case #1

Anyway, Cylor and I weren't that serious, but we both decided that we were going to break up when I moved, since we both didn't want to get serious and it was looking like a serious relationship if we didn't break up. So we broke up. It hurt, because honestly I liked him, even if he wasn't the best prospect...Let me explain! He's fresh out of high school. 18 years old, he's not LDS, kinda doesn't agree with any of my standards, he wanted action. A lot.... Not a maneater case #2

Okay, pause...So honestly, maybe he was a little bit of a rebound that helped me with my decision to not wait for Grant, but it doesn't make me a maneater! I still honesty and truly cared for him. I had deep feelings for him, even though our relationship only lasted a month! Still, NOT a maneater!

Soon after moving to Logan, I decided that I would like a guy I liked early this past summer. He's from my hometown, so I figured we had something in common. I liked him forever. Seriously forever. I put him at the back of my mind, too afraid to do anything about my deep like for him. Not a maneater case to be explained later.

Next came someone who I deeply cared for. I met him when I first moved up here, and I liked him then, but it was somewhat illegal to like him, so I didn't pursue anything, plus in the back of my mind there was still the guy from my hometown. Later, I went to this guy I had met up here who just happened to live ridiculously close to me all the time. I went to him with all my frustrations and I liked him more and more. Then came the DTR talk. We decided and let it out that we liked each other. Everything was hunky dory, then things moved too fast for me. Too much too fast. I knew I had to end the relationship. I knew we were better off friends, so I did it. It hurt inside, and I didn't want to hurt him, but I did. NOT A MANEATER case #3

Next my like for the guy from my hometown resurfaced, and I ended up telling him. Bad idea, but good idea as well. Bad idea because there was complete rejection, but I needed it. Good idea, because I was too chicken to be myself around him anyway. I didn't eat him. He ate me!

The reasons for this post is the fact that every time I talk to my sister, she asks, "Who is it now?" This is not okay with me. I have some relationships issues okay? but that doesn't mean I ate them! They are all justifiable! They all had reasons to break up! I did NOT eat these men! Also, my roommates, and some of my residents call me a maneater, because of these sudden changes in my relationships with men.

I'll sum up the reasons here--I didn't have a normal dating experience in high school. I didn't date lots of people. I dated one. Long distance for a LONG time. Bad idea. The end.

This is ALL going to change though...I've met someone who is changing it all. I'm not going to eat him, just like I did not eat the other men! I just hope and pray that I don't make a fool of myself before anything can even happen. I would tell you his name, but in fear that he could actually be reading this blog I won't, although, if he still decided to even like me as a friend after reading this, it would reinforce my decision even more!

This picture is NOT ME! I know you're thinking to yourself, "she really is a maneater," but please. I'm not! The relationships all ended for good reasons, and I didn't start them just to be cruel and harsh to the men that were involved. okay? That to me constitutes maneating, not having bad luck with men. There's a difference!

CPS Training and Certification

Here it is October already! Can you believe it?

I need to update this more often!!

As far as things as Miss Uintah Basin...Last month I attended the CPS (Child Passenger Safety) training in Murray, and I am now a certified technician! The training was awesome! I learned so much about car seats, cars, how to keep kids the safest, and just things that I know will be beneficial to me when I ever grow up, get married and have my own kids!

This was during the training in the classroom.














This was during the car seat check point at
Babies R' Us at the end of the training.















Here's a picture of the check point once again, and the next is a picture of all the awesome people I got to meet and get certified with! They were so much fun to be around!

Also, coming up tomorrow (October 4th) is a check point at Ute Plaza. I am excited to do another check point. It is so rewarding to watch parents leave the stations with a better understanding of why they need to keep their kids in car seats. It also makes me feel so good inside to know that I am in a position where I get to work with children and always look out for their safety!! I LOVE IT!